June 30, 2005
I’m sitting in my studio right now, drinking beer and listening to David Gray. That might clue you into what kind of mood I’m in right now. To tell the truth my mood has lightened a little from what it was earlier. I don’t know what happened to me today, I felt all right for most of the day, but then I became overwhelmed by an unexplained sadness. So I did the only reasonable thing and went out to get food. I went to Chip’s Pub in Clinton ordered up some grub and a couple beers, and began to feel a little better. I don’t know, maybe I’m just feeling lonely, I think sometimes the absence of someone creates a vacuum, and it just sits there next to you pulling at your soul, bit by bit sucking away all of you comfort and sensibility. I don’t mean to be so gloomy but that’s just where I am right now.
I went down to the shore for a while, to try and pull some solace from the water I guess. Sometimes being near the ocean helps me to clear my head. It helped to ease some of my restlessness at least. It was awfully calm down there, the water was like glass, and the fog was just hanging over the water hardly moving. I felt a little bit like an intruder, it didn’t seem like there should have been any human presence at all, as if the world was going to sleep and I was keeping it from shutting its eyes.
It was just barely raining on my way back home and I drove with the windows open in an effort to blast some of my uneasiness away. It was a rather surreal experience. This area at dusk is truly something to behold. Driving past lakes as the day was shutting down I was once again made to feel like something of a voyeur, watching nature’s private moments through that weird green/grey haze of twilight with the most subtle of mists floating by.
David Gray is just about the most perfect accompaniment to this sort of ambiguous depression. He’s been a big help tonight. So has beer, big ups to beer. I apologize for the sullen note of this entry and I promise to get back to light hearted ramblings as soon as possible, but writing this has definitely helped me to shrug off some of this ickiness. I’m sure this happens to everyone, it’s all part of the human condition I suppose. I guess it’s part of our nature to assume that our pain is unique, but we all have a lot more in common than we might realize, it has to be in sharing these feelings where we find comfort, if we just continue to internalize it we’ll go insane, hence this entry.
All right I think I’m just about tapped out, I feel much better though. I promise my next entry will be much more enjoyable.
Peace
Rold
Posted by harold at June 30, 2005 06:57 PM